The Elevator

“Text reviewed by Claudia

It was one of THOSE days when NOTHING goes right! The day was dark from dawn to sunset! The air was heavy and NOTHING seemed to be right for that day! Diane didn’t want to wake up … she didn’t want to get up … she didn’t want to go to work! But as any other day, she dragged herself out of bed, into shower, out of the apartment to work!

The day was PERFECT for being alone everywhere you went!

Diane lived in an apartment on 5th avenue! Her neighbors were nice people, all diferent, weird, loving and crazy people, but nice … in a weird way! Karma was Diane’s favorite friend, whenever she wanted to be alone, everyone decided to stop by … whenever she wanted company, no one was around! But today it would be different! She was determined to be alone!

She waited for a few minutes in the hallway waiting by the elevator to see if anyone would come! 10 minutes passed by and no one came out of any door! Yes, she thought, today is going to be different! She entered the elevator, went to the back and waited, happily, for the doors to close! When she opened her eyes, Mr Smith, a 154-pound-4’9″ bald-elf-like man, was running down the hall to get the elevator! Diane really didn’t want to have company, so she did the only reasonable thing to do in a situation like this … she desperatly started pushing the close-doors button almost  like punching it! Nothing happened … that second felt like eternity and then the doors opened! She could already see that small large body waiting for the doors to open completly and then she hears, as that tiny, yet huge, man occupied the other corner of the elevator:

Oh dear, thank you so much for holding the elevator to me! I thought I would have to wait for the other one to come and you know how slow these elevators are!

Diane had her amazing yellow smile on her face, looking almost like The Problem Child when he had to put those terrible braces on! She said nothing and just nodded! She smoothly pressed the close-doors button when Mr Smith reaches the door … “Mrs Johansen is coming! You wouldn’t want her to wait for the elevator, would you?” At this time Diane gave him one of those if-my-mother-hadn’t-taught-me-better look and just looked away. Yes, this was going to be one of THOSE days! Diane could hear Mrs Johansen’s ‘yuhooo’ down the corridor … damm her and her amazing optimism. Mrs Johansen was German, that should say a lot about a person, but with Mrs Johansen it didn’t! Mrs Johansen was two-times Mr Smith in height. She was big and tall and she had this presence that you couldn’t ignore. She had a face of someone who had suffered a lot through life but she was glad of every wrinckle and every spot. She had this long-golden-white hair and she had a smile that would make anyone melt … except for Diane when she was on THOSE days!

Mrs Johansen looked dazzling that day, no wonder Mr Smith always waited for her! She looked at Diane, who at this point had her eyes closed and breathing heavly not to kill anyone! Mrs Johansen occupied the other corner of the elevator and started talking to Mr Smith. Now Diane was punching the close-doors button and  couldn’t wait to get out! She was now late for work, the elevator was getting crowded and she really didn’t want to leave anymore! Suddenly the elevator got quiet and Mrs Johansen asked: “Are you angry hun? You know, it’s not the button’s fault! Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?!”

Diane didn’t say anything and Pin! the doors opened on the floor below! Mrs Delacoux, French as you can see, was standing on the door! She was a really thin woman, with terribly thin legs and a horse face! She had a Dalmatian and  she was easily compared to Cruella De Vil by the kids from the condo! Today, she would be easily casted as Cruela if she decided to take an audition for the part. She had this black and white coat matching her black skirt, white shirt and black high hills! Yet, she looked like she would be easily dragged by Sir Martin, the Dalmatian, any time he decided he would chase a squirl down the park! Diane had had several walks with her … unfortunately that never happened! Mrs Delacoux looked inside the elevator and, with a face that said “Yeah, well, I guess I’ll have to get in”, she got into the elevator making sure Sir Martin was far away from the shorty on the other corner! You think it is funny, and it is, but Sir Martin, sit down, is as tall as Mr Smith and when he is standing up on his back legs, he can get almost as tall as Mrs Johansen … and people still wondered why Mr Smith was terrified of that little puppy! Such a baby 😀

Mrs Delacoux was the only who seemed to understand Diane’s face when the doors didn’t seem to close and she decided to punch the button! A second later, after nodding to Diane, the doors closed and they began their journey down to the entrance hall! Diane was crazy to get out of the elevator, take the stairs up to the apartment and lock herself in there untill this day finished! But as wonderful as this day could get, two floors down, the doors opened again! She let out a loud and heavy buff making Sir Martin buff and Mr Smith jump! The little guy was barely breathing and you could see him getting red! He was terrified!

The couple from 601 got in! They were known like this because they never talked in the elevator, except when they were on the phone! He was a tall dark man with very short, army like, dark hair and he looked like he was always in the gym. Diane always thought he worked for the government! He looked like he worked for the government! His wife was this tinny thin woman with long redhair and freckles all over her face! She was always wearing sunglasses and was always on the phone! Diane thought that no job could be given to this woman, specially because she looked like she didn’t need a job! When she saw Diane buffing and with killer-eyes on the corner unable to punch the button because of Sir Martin, she immediatly understood the situation and, at the same time, she and Mrs Delacoux punched the button, making sure it would close as fast as possible!

The elevator was now crowded! Mr Smith was almost purple on the corner yearning for the entrance hall, Mrs Johansen looking like she wanted to grab Diane on her arms and tell her everything would be fine, Mrs Delacoux with Sir Martin impatient to get out and get more space, and the couple who changed looks insinuating either that they had or they would have a great night! Or even maybe both! Diane felt disgusted, annoyed and almost without air! Now she just wanted to get a cab and go to work, because even work seemed better than the elevator!

The elevator stopped on the second floor! She couldn’t take it anymore! “Come on, it’s the second floor, who can’t take the damm stairs down?!” She wished she had kept her mouth closed! The first two people to enter were nuns! Diane wanted to kill herself! Then, if it wasn’t enough, the elderly couple from 208, who had moved a couple of weeks ago, entered the elevator! She didn’t know what to think or to say and just wanted to stay down, under Sir Martin, just to make sure no one would see her! Diane just sat down next to the dalmatian and made sure she was well hidden from everyone and hoped the nuns didn’t know her! “One thing is having a crappy day, the other thing is having a crappy day having the Lord helping this crappy day!”she thought.

Pin! The doors opened! Entrance hall! The elevator looked like those small clown cars where the clowns won’t stop getting out! Everyone left! One by one taking their way to whatever they had to do! The elderly couple was probably going to the park; the nuns to church, probably to tell the Lord to forgive that lost soul from the elevator; Mr Smith, almost running everyone over to get away from the dog, was going to his son’s house in Long Island; Mrs Johansen after giving Diane a it’s-going-to-be-okay look, was going to work! Sir Martin was really impatient like he knew something was about to happen.

Mrs Delacoux looked outside the elevator, gave a smile and then looked back to Diane who was standing almost under Sir Martin and said: “I am sure you could call in sick and go for a walk with Sir Martin! He could use a better company today! You know what?! Don’t you worry, I’ll call in sick for you … just go with Sir Martin!” Diane looked confused but yet she took the leish and decided she also needed a brake! She could really use a walk on the park and some air but she was still bothered by the fact that Mrs Delacoux was suddenly so neighborly, so friendly, so … not her! When she took the leish, Sir Martin started running down the hall like he had to be somewhere, or that he had seen someone! When they reached the glass doors, Diane thanked the Lord that the doorman was fast enough to open the door, but she was so sorry for him not being so fast to warn the guy going through the doors!


Sir Martin ran over a new tenant, making a mess with his clothes and started dragging Diane down 5th Avenue. If it wasnt’t enough, Diane soon discovered why Sir Martin was so impatient … in the next few seconds after Sir Martin and Diane had ran over the new tenant, it started rainning and Sir Martin, without too much struggle, was able to drag Diane into the park for a nice mud bath! Now everything made sense! The smile on Mrs Delacoux’s face when the elevators doors opened, the friendly offer of calling in sick for her, the neighborly attitude! That WASN’T her … THIS was SOOOOO her …

Yes, today was one of THOSE days!

Esta entrada foi publicada em Fun, Random. ligação permanente.

Uma resposta a The Elevator

  1. I never imagined you were so good at writing 😉

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