If we study it worldwide, it wasn’t a very good year…hell, it wasn’t even a good year. Economy was terrible … international relations, within any country, was disturbed by crisis … great icons of movies, TV, theather (nationally and internationally) died leaving this world to a generation who seems not to understand what the essence of art is …
But for me, 2009 was a very good year. I grew up, I evolved, I learned, I made mistakes, I dared (few times), I struggled, I studied, I worked, I fell in love, I got hurt, I was rescued, I was held up … I grew up!
You must be thinking that this is too much for someone. But for me, I believe that this too much is what made me what I am now, in the end of this year. I gave myself in. I let people make sure they knew me, and I tried to know my friends. I was broken. I started my year broken. I thought I couldn’t be mended.
But I learned. 2009 made me realize that life is what you make of it. You will be remembered by your acts. If you want to be remembered as great, you ought to do great things. Yes, I learned how to know people, how to get (really) interested in what they know, what they have to say, and what they think. I learned that you need to listen, not only to be listened; you need to open up to love, in order to be loved back; you ought to open your eyes, and start seeing things with not only your heart.
And I made mistakes. I started my year on mistakes. I corrected them. I tried to move on. I’ve put myself up, and I am proud to end this is with more experience in this matter than when I started it. You see, sometimes we need to pay attention to other’s mistakes, so we won’t be so fooled to make our owns. Time is a-running and we don’t realize that if we keep on making mistakes, we will never get things right.
I dared when my bravery told me so … these were very rare ocasions. I wished I had dared more. I wish I had had more bravery and stupidity to dare more. I wish I had done so many things, but the not-so-brave side of myself always stopped me. So yes, I wish I had dared more.
I struggled through times when people would look at me and feel sorry for me for being alone, miserable, stressed out, fed up with everything. I struggled through the whole year, and I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had enjoyed it more, I wish I had had more of it.
I put myself into studies. I studied everything. I got myself back into German (for a while), I prepared my classes, I corrected homeworks, I studied English more than any other year. I studied the scriptures and I studied Canada. I realized that you need to keep your mind opened to any knowledge that comes to your hands, and you need to be prepared for that. But I wish I had studied more; I wish I had had more will of doing that, because now I feel uncapable of being beside you.
I worked a lot. I had classes at 6h30 in the morning after days I had arrived from college around midnight and only went to bed by 2 o’clock. I prepared tests, corrected homeworks, studied the classes and prepared them for the better enjoyment of my students; I made myself the teacher I wish I had. For that I have no regrets. My students showed me that I am a great teacher and it tears me up to leave them next semester. So, no. Here I don’t wish anything else.
But I fell in love. But not once, or twice. People think that falling in love is when we see the other person glowing differently to us. But I fell in love with the idea of being a better person; I fell in love with the thought of great friends always by my side; I fell in love with UN Models; I fell in love with guys who were amazingly tender, sweet and unbelievably great; I fell in love with love, who always showed me the best part of life; and I fell in love with you, who even thousands of miles away, always make me smile. And I wish I were by your side right now.
And when sometimes I gave my heart out, it was broken and thrown away. I got hurt when I had to let go and leave everything behind. I got hurt with unsaid words; with undone actions; outrageous thoughts, actions and behaviors; I got hurt when people reminded me of my being alone; when I realized the people I called friends weren’t the so-called ones; and speacially when I realized I had to keep on with my life. So I wish I hadn’t giving myself away that much.
But my friends rescued me. They showed me the bright side of life with their foolness. And even when they moved out, they kept looking out for me, making sure I was okay. And even the close ones would constantly remind me that, just because you share the same last name, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends. My friends brought me up. I was down the hole and they brought me up. And the best thing is that I met great people who, even if we meet only on UN Models, I am proud of calling them friends, because they helped me out; they are now part of my latter out that hole; they are my support, my strength and my hope. And I got mended. But I wish I had had more time with them; I wish I had enjoyed more and I wish I had been there, always.
But there is one thing I hate: I wish. When you say I wish, it shows you regret what you haven’t done. Even 2009 being a great year for me, it showed me the huge regret this year was.
So for 2010, there is only one thing I want: MORE!
More unthought decisions
I want more…more of anything that this world can bring it on. That is my will for 2010. I don’t want any “I WISH” anymore!!! Because, for me, 2010 won’t be regretful. And I’ll make it not be. 2010 is my year, and I’ll shine; I’ll shine so people can be proud of me … so you can be proud of me!! I’ll shine so when people look at me, they realize that I am content and not an empty box!
Happy 2010 to all of us!!!